It's been a while since I've posted, I have tried a few times but no full thoughts have come to be. As I was walking through the cemetary today praying and seeking God, I was extremly frustraited due to a paper, still am, and I was beating myself up. I was rethinking whether I was good enough, telling myself I am not academic enough and that I am just not smart enough. It was at this point I realized what I was doing, and thus sparked an interesting thought process.
Eventually I was thinking of how I believe people view me. I believe that people do see who I am, but that they only see one side of me. They see the well put together side of me, the high achieving, striving for the best me. They do not often see the pain I deal with everyday, the depression I fight, the brokeness I deal with, and the daily inward battle. A good friend of mine, David Dunn, once told me "You cannot be fully loved, unless you are fully known". But often times fear leaves me hiding those layers I do not want others to see, the side that I am afraid to show because I may not be accepted. The reality is I may not be, there will be those who treat me differently, who look down on me because of these "weaknesses" but there will be those who will accept me and love me for those. To live in mediocracy and trust noone may seem like a safe place to live but will leave only leave emptieness.
Often times we do not trust God with these parts of our lives, and in this we are missing out on His true love. A love that goes beyond all layers and loves us as His children regardless of where we come from or what we have done. A love transends all and in learning to accept this amazing love, we can begin to open up to those parts of us we have hiden, or are afraid reveal.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" - Romans 8:38-39.
- T.
