I really like this quote!

"What if it ends? What if I enjoy you more than you enjoy me? What if your delight in me is bogus? Or worse, what if it is mere manipulation to get from me what you want? What if I love you and then you die, divorce me, or turn against me? The risk is more than I can bear, and so I refuse to open my heart to another person who will arouse my desire and then might use me or dash me to the ground...Such ambivalence is the enemy of love, [because love] is the capacity to offer ourselves to others".
- Exert from The Healing Path by Dan Allender, pg 29.


The enemy of love, it seems I have been living this way. Does that make me an enemy of love? Maybe. I am afraid; each day I live in fear that those who I begin to open up to will leave, hurt me and use me. Although these things have been done to me, I don't believe it makes it right to judge everyone from this framework refusing to grow from there and accept love that someone may want to give. However it is not as simple to say I am going to let people love me. There is the unknowns who to give this trust? and how do you change a thinking that's been developing for 20 years. I have a long way to go, but I have also come a long way. And I believe that God will change my heart, and my mind, filling me with His love, grace and assurance that I do not need to be afraid because He is with me and for me.

This is 20 year old me, hopefully I can look back at this 20 years from now and say I chose to be loved.

- T.