It's been a while since I've posted, I have tried a few times but no full thoughts have come to be. As I was walking through the cemetary today praying and seeking God, I was extremly frustraited due to a paper, still am, and I was beating myself up. I was rethinking whether I was good enough, telling myself I am not academic enough and that I am just not smart enough. It was at this point I realized what I was doing, and thus sparked an interesting thought process.
Eventually I was thinking of how I believe people view me. I believe that people do see who I am, but that they only see one side of me. They see the well put together side of me, the high achieving, striving for the best me. They do not often see the pain I deal with everyday, the depression I fight, the brokeness I deal with, and the daily inward battle. A good friend of mine, David Dunn, once told me "You cannot be fully loved, unless you are fully known". But often times fear leaves me hiding those layers I do not want others to see, the side that I am afraid to show because I may not be accepted. The reality is I may not be, there will be those who treat me differently, who look down on me because of these "weaknesses" but there will be those who will accept me and love me for those. To live in mediocracy and trust noone may seem like a safe place to live but will leave only leave emptieness.
Often times we do not trust God with these parts of our lives, and in this we are missing out on His true love. A love that goes beyond all layers and loves us as His children regardless of where we come from or what we have done. A love transends all and in learning to accept this amazing love, we can begin to open up to those parts of us we have hiden, or are afraid reveal.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" - Romans 8:38-39.
- T.
I had no idea you had your own blog page and I was bored and looked at your profile and saw theis, wow after all these years I never noticed! Well anyways I defiantely agree with your post, you know so many of us deal with self esteeem and self confidence and self worth and we dont think we are worthy or are beautiful or what ever it may be. By thinking this we are undermining God because He created us in His image. And also, to be loved we need to first love ourselves no matter what, no matter the flaws, no matter what people thinks of us, no matter what has happened to us in the past! To love ourselves we need to come into an understandin of the Love of Christ and how much He loves us. ONce we grasp even a little understanding of how much He loves us we can begin to love ourselves.
ReplyDeleteFor me when I was younger and all the way up to grade 10, I was made fun of, I had no friends, I had noone to talk to or anythin! I was hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally every single day by the kids in my class! So needless to say I had no self-confidence, no self-worth, no self-esteem I really didnt want to be alive anymore, but once I started to understand and grasp how much God loves me that he sent his onyl son to die on the cross for me, and how much Jesus loves me because he went through it all just for me, when we understqand His love for us, nothing can compare to it or even come close to comparing to it, there is nothing like it at all, and so when I started to grasp this I was able to begin to love myself no matter what happened to me, no matter what I look like, no matte what people said about me, no matter if my face was filled with pimples, no matter what I am, able to love myself. And now i have soo much self-esteem, and self-confidence, and I know I am worthy. And now I have the best friends anyone could have ever asked for and I teach other students, mostly girls what it is to love yourself and how to improve their self-esteem, and self-confidence and to know that they are loved and are beautiful! I thank God that I had to deal with this stuff because now God has used me and is continually using me to help others and be that light in the darkness!!
Just something to think about and meditate on and really come into the understanding of how much our God loves us, its absolutely unbelievable and unfathomable, and it blows your mind how unconditional His love is for us!
Hey Mir,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment, I just put it on my facebook maybe a month ago so thats probably why. Anyways thank you for your comment and for your love for Jesus. You are awesome!
- T.
I understand where you are coming from with academic struggles, personal and perceived expectations, and the daily battles to keep fighting... just let you know that you aren't alone in this and I definitely accept you
ReplyDelete